An opportunity!

I promise, for what it's worth to you, that even though I would love to know how to and be able to mend things with you, even just to the point of being a peripheral acquaintance, I do understand from your actions that you are not interested in such an outcome. I regretfully but respectfully concede this to you, though I hope you will do me the kindness of telling me how that happened, when you are ready.

I do not despair, for life is too short to not enjoy every moment in which enjoyment is a possibility. And I have had my fill of pain. I do not hold your short tone against you. I understand where you are coming from. 

If you are talking about other boundaries, or if you think I have the wrong idea, I am kindly and humbly receptive to your peaceful reminder. You will forgive me, of course, the actual smoothness of my brain. I... literally don't know what's going on. (Please tell me but it's okay if you don't I still think I've kind of got the point) 

Alas, Misunderstandings may be the title of the final chapter in our book. It was a tragically fun read.

Thank you for sending your polite RSVP, thought not to fret! While you were my first choice, I bought the ticket knowing that I would have a friend along regardless of your answer.

PS: I'm excited but I don't have prime anymore so I hope you'll tell me how great it was when you've seen it 😭

PSS: I don't know how you read this message, but since there's been a lot a lot of misreadings and miunderstandings between us for so long now, I promise I wrote this with lightness and fondness for a human of whom I know the true definition. It is truly good to be at the receiving end of a direct communication from you, my dear friend. 

PSSS: here kitty kitty

My most gracious thanks, and warmest well wishes, 

Jonathan

Good morning! 

It's a beautiful day so far, I just wanted to add/clarify a couple things on this last message I sent before you reply (I know I talk a lot but there's nothing negative here don't worry!) : 

But read the original email first! I don't know what this will look like in your inbox. To be clear this is email 2 of 2 that I sent since your last reply and email 3 of 3 I have sent overall. Good, yes, thank you. I won't send more until you reply, I promise! 

1. I made assumptions in the last letter about what your wishes are based on my perspective of your actions, but I think that's the sort of thing that got us here in the first place, so I politely but solemnly request that you do express your explicit wishes/boundaries/goals/ideal immediate and long term outcomes of our interaction/avoidance - to me, at your soonest convenience. And I apologize again for stepping on any boundaries that seem clear from your point of view but are obscured from mine, I am genuinely trying my best with what I have to work with.

2. I think the boundary you are referring to is your not being open to discussions related to us getting back together? I'm sorry for the confusion and I hope you'll reconsider the mediated separation counseling (couple's counseling is just the umbrella term under which divorce mediators also operate) now that I've clarified that it isn't going to be an opportunity for us to heal our relationship, just one to heal our separate futures. Because you absolutely deserve a safe and healthy separation, and maybe that's possible for you by following the path you've already chosen, but it isn't possible for me, especially with my history of abandonment issues etc., and we both have a better shot with mutual professional guidance than without. I cannot compel you, but I hope that you will at least be open to a discussion on whether or not to go through with it before doubling down on a hard no without looking into it. It will be good for both of us, and I truly can't imagine that you're unwilling to consider something that might let us part as friends instead of whatever this is. Kindly, let me know your thoughts and whether or not I am welcome to respectfully respond.

C. I think you were talking about me buying the therapy instead of the ticket. In which case, I'm paying for it with my HSA and I'm pretty sure it's getting reimbursed through work but even if it isn't, the divorce counselor is prepared to help me navigate some things alone before transitioning to a solo therapist anyway. So I was buying it whether you were coming or not, I'm not trying to pressure you with guilt or spent money. I'm just trying to shine a light on a path in front of you that allows yourself and someone you once loved very much to both have a fair chance at being happy and at peace and healthy and safe. It is your choice which to take, as always. I know it isn't as easy to choose the path that benefits us both as it is to run down the path your on, but I think we both deserve the weight it will lift from us. 

D. October is also going to be a very tough month for me, but I'm done crashing out. (And my last one you perceived wasn't what it seemed but I'll tell you about it only if you ask lol) I will of course have ups and downs and be sad for the more sentimental nights, but I won't be losing my mind or begging for your attention. That arc has closed.

So, in a better world, we go to this divorce counselor, tie up our loose ends, and part as, maybe old friends. Halloween is on a Friday so I know you'll be with friends of your own all weekend, but I would love to be in a place by then where we could at least send each other a friendly text to send well wishes for Blessed Samhain. In my perfect world, we could even share a beer and a friendly hug before going to our separate circles for the celebrations. I think it's possible, but only if it's a world you would like to live in too. Does that sound like a good place? Even if you can't imagine a path to get there right now? Or does that sound like a world that is less good than this one?

PS I would love to see me daughters from time to time. I'll agree to not respond when you send pictures if you want to do something like that but they're still my loves, I'm still their real dad. Plus, when you're ready to see each other, I'll give you all the Furbos and you can change the email and password on the account so that you can use those without having to trust me. I will miss having that, it felt like it kept both of us connected with all the kids while staying separated from each other

4. I need to know how many miles are on the truck and exactly where any damage is, interior/exterior wheels tires, has the oil been changed, are the headlights foggy, do you still have both keys, where are and how big are the dings dents scratches chips etc. so that I can write up the paperwork.

Okay that's all! Back to work for me I hope you have a beautiful day and I look forward to your kind and gentle reply at your convenience! 

I still believe in you. Best of luck. Talk soon 🎶 

Jonathan

I really appreciate that update! Thank you for all the info, it makes me happy to know/understand things, and I especially appreciate being given realistic expectations for timelines. 

So, no hurry no worry. If you can get back to me sometime this weekend, excellent. If not, I know you'll get back to me when you can. 

I also wanted to show you exactly what I meant about what I requested through that app so you can be confident I'm not trying anything sneaky, please find the screencap attached below. 

I am, however, not highly confident the match that I received would be a great one anyway, so I might request a new one. You can of course wait to accept/decline until after you've spoken to your therapist, so please excuse the automated message if another one comes through with the next match - there's no pressure or urgency behind it.

When you do speak to your therapist, I would like to make myself available for them to reach out to me, either for a consultation to get to know me and my recent history as an individual or to host the mediated discussions herself (I assume they're a her). I would of course pay for either of those options out of pocket or with insurance since I'm at my out of pocket maximum for the year. And as always, I will oblige any reasonable conditions you have for governing that experience (like what anybody would agree is reasonable).

(My thinking is maybe she would say that yes, a mediated discussion would be a good idea, if she was able to vet that I'm genuinely capable of committing to a safe and healthy environment beforehand)

As always, thank you for reading too many words that I probably could have trimmed down a bit. 

It's a beautiful day! I hope you're doing well and I look forward to hearing from you when you come around. Cheers~

Jonathan

I hope you're having a good day! Thank you for the quick response about boundaries. The foremost one about not trying to get us back together is easy and clear, and one I'm in no danger of accidentally crossing.

You do draw very delicate lines though, and that's where I really hope you will agree to allow us to discuss those lines under mutual professional guidance. No-contact is an understandable framework that can be a healthy way to handle certain situations. But it can also be implemented in a way that causes serious harm, even when unintentional. I'm going to include my point of view in the next paragraph if you want context, but I do so gently, without any blame or anger or attack of any degree. Still, let me know if you decide to skip it.

Please kindly understand that from my perspective, you answered my minimal calls with compassion and gentle friendly love in your voice, you picked out clothes and books (about my two favorite things!) for a care package for me, and then you were just gone without warning or explanation. Then I received a battery of scary information about how you were telling people I abused you, that your friends and Blakely were convincing you to file a restraining order, that you demanded that I give up hope for any possibility of ever reconciling to any degree at all. Blakely and Sloane dropped me. My family used the new leverage to abuse me. It was a horrific experience with a lot of details left out, and I handled it better for most of two months than I think I've gotten credit for.

But the whole point of all that is that I don't believe we have to play a zero sum game. There are choices we can both make, actions we can both take that allow us to heal and fare well. And I will respect all of your boundaries, completely, as they currently stand (I hope you don't count wordy emails as the long texts thing I'm a very verbose person you know I'm a rambler but I'm not ranting so I think this is fine for now right) but I would appreciate it immensely if you would re-establish your boundaries with me at your convenience in the presence of a professional therapist/counselor so that our desires to protect ourselves don't end up hurting ourselves or each other. Does that make sense?

And your mother has offered me kindness and advice and support that I've never had from family. Talking to her wasn't part of me crashing out, and it's something that I hope to continue doing. But I will hold off at your request until we can, if you agree to do so, talk about boundaries under the mutual guidance of a professional who understands how to implement them without causing harm.

I think these exchanges are a promising start to separate futures where we both bear much softer scars, and I really appreciate you for allowing them. 

I'll be here, old friend. 

Hope you have a great weekend 🎶

Hi Marysue!

Cheers~

Cheers~