Re: Update

Sep 1608:04+0:50

Marysue

Thanks for that clarification!!!

Update on Kuma, I had to drive to Bulverde yesterday to the vet and it turned out he ripped two of his stitches. I had a feeling something was wrong but the vet insisted it was normal then he probably got tired of talking to me on the phone and told me to come in. His wound leaked on every corner of my apartment and he looked to be in so much pain.

They restitched him and now his new appointment to get them removed is next Thursday the 25th. It would be nice if you made some arrangements to take him so I don’t have to drive back. I took yesterday off and asked to work from home the rest of the week but I won’t be able to do it again next week so I’m tapping you in. Hopefully by then he won’t be as needy.

He needs around the clock attention. I can’t put him on the ground without him scooting and I’m scared he will rip another stitch so I just carry him around everywhere.

I can take care of him the rest of this week, when can you pick him up from NB? I know you suggested Corbin but I guarantee Corbin will not be able to handle him. He’s extremely frantic in any situation that isn’t laying on top of me on the couch.

Ps: Please be nice to your mother. *threat* This has been as stressful for her as it’s been for me and she’s offered a lot of support to me and Kuma. For the record she never says anything bad about you to me if that’s what you’re thinking.

Sep 1608:54+1:14

Jonathan

Thank you for thanking me, I try my best but I'm not a good translator of my own thoughts and feelings. Thank you for understanding.

And oh no, I'm so sorry! I can compensate you for cleaning and gas, I know I don't need to thank you because you didn't do it for me but I really appreciate that he still has you too. My poor baby boy :( I was missing him really really bad yesterday. Maybe I can arrange to get his stitches taken out here in town so he doesn't have to go back to New Braunfels/Bulverde at all. I don't even know where Bulverde is.

And Corbin would only have to handle him from the time it takes to get from your place to like, the road outside your place or wherever is a comfortable enough distance from you for the handoff to take place.

He can take trazodone every day to calm his nerves, if you need a refill I can find somebody willing to drop it off for you today or I could leave it outside your door, whatever you're most comfortable with.

I can take him whatever day this weekend works best for you, if you change your mind about letting Corbin or one of your other friends facilitate a no-contact handoff.

And I am very nice to my mother, believe me. She's always been kind and good to people "outside" of the family, but you really don't know what things have been like with them. Sarah has been immensely worse, but my mother has been awful to me. And their interactions with you, good or bad or natural, are a separate matter. The uncertainty of that part stresses me out, but that's just the nature of things, and I appreciate your reassurance. Still, I've been kind and patient and respectful and nice to her, I promise — despite what she's been to me.

Sorry if my thoughts are scattered I'm not going to proofread this cause I'm in a hurry just let me know if I missed anything important 🙏 or said anything weird

If I can't get him an appointment here then I'll just try to pick him up from New Braunfels the day after his appointment in Bulverde

Thank you for reaching out, I hope everything else is going as well as possible!

I'm here,

Jonathan

P.S. since it sounds like you don't have your hands full enough I'm going to take a liberty here and submit a polite request to maybe write down a reminder on a sticky note or something to check the mileage on the truck (which I know is something you're already going to do but I'm innately annoying so I'm predisposed to pestering, I do it with respect though I swear)

Sep 1610:09+2:05

Marysue

I have plenty of drugs and they gave me more painkillers yesterday. He takes four different pills every 12 hours including trazadone. Hes taking enough trazodone to knock out a larger dog that him and it only does a trick for a couple hours. Luckily he takes pills really well and no amount of pain and discomfort stops him from being a fatty so he’s eating very well. I give him a pack of soft food with his pills so you should re up on those before we do the switch. Alternating between one pill plus one bite of soft food etc.

I am willing to try the Corbin thing and it would be best if you meet him down the street somewhere so there’s minimal time with Corb. Any time Thursday, Friday works for me. Im sure I could do Saturday too.

I took him to Bulverde cause they didn’t charge me at all for the restitching and more meds and I think the removal is free too. I’m not sure how much it would be somewhere here but I’m cool with whatever you decide to do. Bulverde is an hour and 40 mins away if you go around 12 when there is no traffic.

Bare with me on the Mileage. I’ll try to get it today.

Sep 1612:14+2:35

Jonathan

He's not a fatty 😭😭😭 he's just a baby 🥺

No worries about the mileage! Just wanted to make sure it didn't slip off your radar.

jesus christ you drove for four hours 💀

I will try to figure that out today.

Thank you for the clear instructions and suggestions.

Mmm if it turns out to be too tricky to do a handoff, when would you be planning to return him to NB?

Sep 1614:50+1:20

Marysue

I’m not sure yet, maybe Friday or Saturday morning. Either way it would be best if we coordinate because Kuma CANNOT be around Bear like this. Kuma IS a baby. He is EXTREMELY attached rn. Like I cannot express enough how needy he is. I do not spend a moment where he is not laying on me. Chai snapped at him and he almost ripped her head off. Worse than I’ve ever seen. He didn’t hurt her or anything but he’s in pain and uncomfortable so if Bear comes at him it will get ugly and I know he won’t hold back for Bear. And he’s going to need someone to attach himself to while at your moms so I’m not sure how it would work for longer than a couple hours unless Sarah or Abby can commit to being with him 24/7. I can ask them.

I know you weren’t in a good headspace to take care of him but it would be good for him to stay with you longterm. He’s miserable at your moms house. I don’t even recognize him rn. If the situation becomes dire I can care for him but that has to be a last resort. He can be at your moms for a little if you need a couple days off but not long term. Maybe I can take the girls down there when he’s down there so he can have the girls support but he needs YOU. Your apartment is the place he’s genuinely the happiest.

I know you already know this but just to make sure

😥J

Sep 1616:10+3:06

Jonathan

What a mess... I made a judgement call and did what I thought was best for both of us at the time. I'm so sorry buddy. 🥺🙇

I need to really think this through. I'll spare you the details, but there's a lot going on. But I also want him to be my top priority. I'm going into an appointment for about an hour right now but I'll be available the rest of the day after.

Let me know if I should expect your therapist to reach out to me for any reason, I give full consent and promise to cooperate for pretty much whatever.

I'll reach back out with whatever updates I can figure out later today whether you respond to this or not, just so you know I'm not brushing this off.

Thank you again.

Sep 1619:16+0:10

Jonathan

Okay, I think the best available option is for me to accept custody this weekend and just take the stitches out myself when it's time. Enlisting Corbin might not work out but if there's any time at all on Sunday (which, it sounds like you're planning on a full day so my expectations are non-existent) that you could do, then I should be able to have another friend accept him from you and bring him right to me outside the gate. If Sunday is a complete non-starter then maybe on Saturday you can just like... set him loose while I yell his name from the other side of the fence? Or if you have a kennel you could place him outside somewhere and I'll be on standby for the notification to go grab him?

What think??

Sep 1619:26+0:08

Marysue

When you say yourself you mean a vet right?

As for the pick up, I’ll have to think on it. It depends how delicate he still is. I don’t want to risk him hurting himself. I’ll let you know as the weekend approaches. If you couldn’t do any other day, Saturday would be best for me.

Sep 1619:35+0:38

Jonathan

I will try to find someone willing and able to help out before Sunday, but let's revisit this upon updates to his condition throughout the week as well.

I deeply, from the bottom of my heart truly appreciate your gentleness and patience for him during this time. He couldn't be in better hands.

Please let him know I'll see him soon and I miss him terribly, and I'm sorry I let bad things happen to him. I was scared. I love you buddy (that's for him please), be nice to the girls while you're in their home 🙏

Sep 1620:13+0:02

Jonathan

Actually, sorry, can you see any way to make it happen tomorrow?

I understand if it's a bit too last minute.

I'm sureI can do sooner than this weekend if that's what your ideal situation is though.

Anyway, hope your day went well. Good night all

Sep 1620:16+0:49

Marysue

:( I haven’t emotionally prepared to let him go tomorrow. But if it’s the day that works best for you then that’s fine. Would your friend come get him? Or would I drive him to NB? I’m a little confused

🫂J

Sep 1621:05+9:57

Jonathan

No :) let's just revisit this tomorrow so we can both prepare emotionally to trade custody :'-)

But I can take him as soon as you're ready. Just let me know🎶

Sep 1707:03+9:06

Jonathan

Wait lol you drove to Bulverde and back because they weren't going to charge you but how much did you spend on gas?

It's a beautiful morning! I hope you have a great day. If you would kindly send your next message with a high priority tag I should be able to get notifications now instead of checking periodically.

Be kind to yourself today

Sep 1716:09+0:34

Jonathan

Hi! Sorry to send you three messages in a row, there's no urgency or anything behind it and I wouldn't expect it to happen again, it's not serious. Also don't worry about the amount of text here, this isn't a rant or a big emotional thing I promise lol.

I just wanted to gently and respectfully, with no expectations behind it, throw out another crazy offer that I completely understand you not having any interest in. But just in case you're feeling whimsical, I hope you don't mind me reaching out to let you know it's on the table.

But I'm about to leave work for the day and if you happen to be tired of... this, I guess, I wanted to let you know that I'm open to going to a coffee shop or something instead of going straight home and just making myself available to be seen by you, and depending on how that makes you feel, just being open to letting that go wherever it may. I wouldn't have any expectations or be upset or anything if you showed up and changed your mind and left, or if you agreed for me to go wait somewhere and then you just decided not to come. Or if you wanted to try it but wanted me to promise not to speak or something. I don't mind going and waiting and then leaving without seeing you. Like, I have plenty to keep me occupied and I won't blame you for processing your thoughts and feelings however you need to do that. But I know that if you did decide to just rip off the band-aid and meet with me, I'm in a place where there's nothing that could push me into creating an unsafe situation for either of us. I also understand that you have your own private battles going on and they're not all about me, and that you also don't necessarily have any reason to believe that I'm telling the truth from your own perspective, and that's totally fine. But I'm not trying to do anything in particular or talk about anything, I don't have any agenda. I just miss my friend and want it to be known that I'm ready and open to seeing her, in any capacity, whenever she's ready to be seen. Even if she doesn't consider me her friend, or doesn't consider herself my friend. I'm not trying to push anything. But it would also be convenient to talk about the dogs and stuff without relying on sporadic emails if you happened to be open to doing that, but there's also no pressure there either.

Just saying, if you feel like talking a leap of faith, I'll wait a little while to hear from you. And if you don't, there's no need or expectation for a big long explanation or anything, I'm going to be the same, chill, reasonable person that I've been and nothing will change, I promise.

Still though, it would be great to catch up with you! Or even just to see you quietly for a minute and go back to our separate bubbles! Let me know within an hour or so if you're interested or not, if you're able to.

No worries, I'll be here :)

Cheers~

Sep 1716:43+0:01

Marysue

No thank you.

Kuma cannot be left alone and should not be anywhere that would stress him out. Separate from that, I think the idea of hanging out somewhere together is extremely premature.

Hope you have a nice rest of your day though.

Sep 1716:45+4:08

Jonathan

I understand. Thank you for the well wishes.

I hope you don't mind if I ask, did you talk to your therapist about the prospect of mediation?

Sep 1720:54+0:37

Marysue

Jonathan I’m starting to feel uneasy again. We are trying to coordinate a drop off where we don’t have to see each other so I can continue to feel comfortable in my boundaries which you say you understand but yet you think I’m going feel comfortable going to get coffee together?

You see how that can make me feel like something has been lost in translation?

I know you say you are in a better place mentally and I want to believe you but things like this make me feel like if I give an inch you’ll take a mile and those boundaries will no longer be respected.

I know you really want to do this mediated separation counseling and I am trying to accommodate you but I hope you understand why I am hesitant.

That said, I don’t need you to try to convince me to do the mediation. I already understand what it would be. I’m just telling you these things so there isn’t more misunderstandings and you get an idea of where I’m at.

I hope if you were craving coffee you still got it and you’re having a good night.

Also, I don’t think I have the option to send e-mail high priority through email

Sep 1721:32+21:51

Jonathan

Hey, thank you for the update. I understand where you're coming from, and it's completely valid. I know you don't need me to validate you, I'm just letting you know that I don't need extra convincing or punishment, I will listen to you when you give gentle corrections while I try to learn how to navigate your turbulent waters. I'm doing my best, but this form of communication is, please understand, frustratingly limited in its ability to replicate... uhh, vibes, I guess. You know?

I don't apologize for making an offer that was very clearly communicated to be declinable. And no, I didn't think that you would feel comfortable going to get coffee together. I didn't think that I would either. But I thought it was worth letting you know that I was open to being uncomfortable with you, together. Platonically. Literally platonically.

I am, however, sorry for not understanding that the offer itself was something that would make you uncomfortable. That was genuinely not something that I considered and I really should have, but that's hindsight.

I think that, if you ever get to a place where you are comfortable with me presenting those kinds of ideas, you will communicate that to me very clearly. And going forward from here I will understand and respect the shape and extent of this boundary with my entire heart. Forgive me if you will, as I forgive you for assuming, or at least choosing to imagine, the worst of me.

I'm tired, my friend. I'm not putting up a fight, I hope you read this letter with as much gentleness and platonic love as I put into it, but if you did not, I hope you will at least accept my word that that's how it was written.

I look forward to the day our orbits line up again, but believe me that I have no intention of spoiling the moment by trying to force it early. If we were to meet for coffee tomorrow, awesome. I'm terrified. I'm still gonna go. If we meet for coffee when you're the mother, I haven't looked forward to a day more in my entire life, and if we meet for coffee when you're the crone, I think we will both laugh insanely in our old age, as if we spent lifetimes and worlds apart before realizing that there was never a right time, and never a wrong time.

Please forgive me my poetics, for I am a man who does love the sound of his own voice. And thank you for reading my rambling. I hope you take it kindly. I don't have any expectations, but what's life without hope, or curiosity? I don't say these things to try to convince you to think like I am thinking. I only say them to try to paint a more clear picture of what I am thinking, but sometimes I choose the pigments poorly. Disagreement and misunderstanding are too close to each other for anyone's own good.

Sorry, sorry. That wasn't a rant though, just a ramble. Right? Wait did you read all that? Is this the first part you're reading?

Okay, this was too long, sorry. I feel like if I delete it though then that's like lying and I don't like that so ehhhh here you go little bedtime story hope you enjoyed please give all the dogs my love and don't tell them mean things about me

Cheers~🎶

Jonathan

Sep 1819:23+0:14

Marysue

Thank you for understanding. In the spirit of peace I will share the following updates with you.

Kuma had a rough morning but he had a positive change around 1pm today were he walked around normally without scooting. He was able to get excited for whipped cream treats without his cone and actually ate all his food including two servings of kibble (where he previously would only eat hand fed soft food in his cone)

He’s gotten needier again as the evening is setting in but regardless, there was improvement! He seems uncomfortable but I don’t know if he’s in pain or he has an upset stomach from all the meds. He won’t tell me.

He also stinks and since I can’t bathe him I wiped him down with doggy wipes and now he smells like pee and coconut.

There was a fire in the woods adjacent to my apartments so I went to investigate, get Kuma some fresh air and get you the mileage.

The truck has 125395 miles.

Sep 1819:37+13:26

Jonathan

Thank you so much for that update! I've had a bit of a rough day and have been a little uneasy on top of that, but your tone was very comforting and my heart is filled to hear about the love and attention Baby Kuma is getting. Everyone gets a little stinky sometimes, I'm sure he appreciates the spongebath as much as you girls appreciate the reduction of his odour 🙏

Thank you as well for getting back to me with that mileage 🎶

I hope you and all our familiars are having as good of a day as any of us could hope for.

Let me know if you need anything. I can always send soup or puppy supplies or just wholesome thoughts and energy 🙇‍♂️

Best,

Sep 1909:03+4:51

Jonathan

Good morning🎵

Wanted to let you know that I spoke with Banfield here down the block and they're estimating no cost to do a full exam and suture removal, or a small fee if the doctor determines Kuma needs bandaging or some other simple procedure for continued recovery.

I scheduled him for a drop off at 0815 on 09/25 but I think that might be the previous expected date before he tore those stitches, let me know if I need to reschedule for a later date. Or, if you take him to New Braunfels, either of us can let my mother know that he doesn't need to go to Bulverde.

Hope you have a really great day and a fun weekend ahead of you

Cheers~

PS: gentle feedback about my previous message is welcome, if you're open to giving any. I'm extremely wary of making you uncomfortable, so if I need to take a step further back, I can sterilize my tone no problem. Just remember that even with more sterile words, I'm still me on the other side of the screen. I promise, on god fr, that I only reach out to you from a place of peace, kindness, gentleness, no matter what comes up.

There is no part of me hoping for more than that from you; my honest ultimate goal is for us to be able to call each other friends at the end of this conflict.

And if you don't want that right now, then I will still enjoy an outcome that allows us to be, like, just coworkers. To not be afraid of each other, to not feel unsafe thinking about each other, but not necessarily being a core part of each other's lives beyond occasional friendly communications.

And if you also come to not want that, then I will accept gentle permanent closure of our story when we have written a safe, healthy, mutually agreed and mutually understood farewell.

I can't convince you that you're safe, because I don't understand what you fear. So I will just do my best to follow your instructions and be completely clear and open while doing so.

PSS: I did it again, I wrote too much when much less would have been sufficient. Please forgive me my verbose nature.

PSSS: I also know that's not how post scripts work but I agree that it feels better this way

PSSSS: I think Kiana and Jah have been on a really awkward date vacation in Salem this last week and I have nobody to speculate with so just wanted you to know

PSSSSS: I hope the fire was cool

Sep 1913:55+6:18

Marysue

That is great news! And that appointment time and date is good too. That’s when he has his apportionment in Bulverde with I can tell your mom to cancel.

I didn’t have any problems with your tone, no.

Ps: The fire was super lame

😊J

Sep 1920:13+1:05

Jonathan

Hey, sorry to bother you but you did let your mother know why I stopped reaching out for the time being, of course, right? We called each other friend :c I don't want her thinking I just runnoft.

Thank you for your time!

Cheers~

Jonathan

Sep 1921:19+0:35

Marysue

Yes, she is aware. Also, what will we being doing about Kuma? As much as it pains me to not have him around anymore, I can’t work from home another week.

Should I drive to NB tomorrow?

Sep 1921:54+0:12

Jonathan

Okay, I really appreciate that🎵

As for Kuma, dude honestly idk. The only person I have available to act as an intermediary just dumped me for a guy who offered to take her to Italy so I guess you can take him to NB and I'll go collect him as soon as I can.

Unless you want to do something weird like shove him out the door while I wait down the hallway so you don't have to see me, cause I can do that right now if you want to.

I'm so annoyed that I can't just talk to you like a friend, sorry if my tone is a bit short right now. You better be having a good night *threat* because there's a lot of life to be lived right now.

Bye

Sep 1922:06+0:09

Marysue

Well when would you be able to go to NB then? I think it will stress him out if I just leave him somewhere that he doesn’t recognize.

Sep 1922:16+13:59

Jonathan

I'll go when you tell me to 🎶

Sep 2012:16+0:02

Marysue

Hey! Sorry for the late update but do you think you could go get him from NB today? I’ll probably be heading there in an hour. You can just coordinate with your mom when you wanna get him. I talked to her and he was pretty confident they would be able to keep him there safety so it’s up to you.

Sep 2012:19+0:03

Jonathan

If I get him today he'll have to start staying alone at my apartment tomorrow, do you think he's better off here or there while he still has stitches?

Sep 2012:22+0:30

Marysue

You don’t think your manager would let you work from home? I think he should not be left alone especially so soon after you just got him back

Sep 2012:53+0:10

Jonathan

I have a lot going on for end of Q3 at work, but even if I could do that from home I still have to leave the house for three to four hours a day every weekday for mandatory routine.

I wrote this question without the big explanation originally but I thought about it and I think it has the potential to make you uneasy so I want to be clear that I know what I'm asking and I'm genuinely okay with any answer or non answer you choose to give according to your level of comfort, but I'm still going to ask because it would be helpful to consider while I'm trying to figure out how to keep him while he has his stitches. But do you think he would be okay being alone with a stranger for any period of time right now? Or is he still super needy?

Also something about the way you and my mother describe his behavior makes me think he's not actually as needy as you see him being, I think he just really likes/misses you and he is probably a little scared of the girls/feels weird about them still being together without him.

I need him back, but I need him safe and healthy and comfortable moreso. I want to get him at the earliest possible time that you believe he can handle being alone here for four to eight hours a day.

Are you still using the app? I can plug the cameras in *being careful to not appear in frame* when I leave so you can keep tabs on him. I configured the email priority thing correctly so now my ringer scares the shit out of me every time you send a message even if I'm on dnd. It's the cyberpunk notification sound lol

Sep 2013:04+0:24

Marysue

I’m not really sure what you mean by that but I trust your judgment so I’ll leave it up to you. I guess at this point he might do fine alone if he’s doped up. He was always very calm at your apartment. I would say for added precautions just when you are gone you can have his tail bandaged or have him wear a human diaper. The biggest issue is him getting stressed and scooting and no one being home to stop it. He was very frantic yesterday and rubbed him tail against the couch and he freaked and I think it’s been hurting since then. It weeped just everrrr so slightly so anything you can do to keep him from hurting his tail would be great.

We can give it a try and if it flat out doesn’t work I can just take him back

Sep 2013:29+0:02

Jonathan

I'm not sure what you're referring to when you say you're not really sure what I mean.

What are we giving a try?

Sep 2013:32+0:09

Jonathan

Wait YOU TRUST MY JUDGEMENT 🤩 ONES IN CHAT FOR MUTUAL RESPECT HELL YEAH BRO LFG

Sep 2013:42+0:08

Marysue

Idk what to do. I want to do what would keep him

safest but I also want him to start getting used to his life with you to not destabilize him further. Where do you think he will be safest? If he stays with me I’ll have to leave him alone tonight, then again tomorrow morning and from 7:30-5 Monday through Wednesday. Regardless he will have to be alone. I can cancel my plans but maybe I shouldn’t baby him so much cause that might cause some issues too.

I can take him to your moms for just the weekend and pick him up on Monday. I was really hoping I could get some time without him cause the girls need walks and baths and I have over all been neglecting them cause Kuma requires so much attention and I know that are getting super stir crazy and bored and needy cause they aren’t getting any stimulation.

Or you can pick him up from

NB and have him with you and can decide if you think it’s going well or not with your schedule and we can go from there?

Thoughts? I need you to ultimately make a call on this.

Sep 2013:50+0:04

Jonathan

Absolutely no need to cancel your plans. And you have already done so much, you and the girls both need time without big Stinko.

Okay, all things considered, let's do this. Please take him to NB, and I will see how he does there tomorrow. If it's bad I'll pick him up ASAP. If he's okay enough to wait until Wednesday, then I'll pick him up and he can stay with me from then on.

I may need you to keep an eye on him with the camera plan for his first time without me, just so you can yell at him or email me that he needs my attention, but I also may not need that, we'll have to reevaluate if the time comes.

Thank you for all your help and communication here.

Drive safe, stay hydrated (clean your canteen)

Sep 2013:54+0:01

Marysue

Okay let’s do that. I will suggest that you take over the camera for now. The girls are pretty consistent and I don’t feel like I need to watch them when I’m gone. His situation is more important so just redownload the app for now please. I’ll keep an eye on him as well

Sep 2013:55+0:12

Jonathan

Okie, I will let you know when I've picked him up and when I've downloaded the app.

🙇‍♂️🫰

Sep 2014:08+1:51

Jonathan

Oh also, do you still use your hismile toothbrush? Where do you get replacement heads?

Sep 2016:00+0:09

Marysue

Ugh I feel terrible 😭 I don’t want him to think he did something wrong so I sent him back.

I don’t mind cancelling tonight but I can’t cancel tomorrow so if he can’t handle just one night then I can also go get him.

It looks like cvs has them

Sep 2016:09+2d 20:31

Jonathan

Girl "it looks like cvs has them" I'm certain that means you're no longer using that toothbrush because of course you wouldn't still be using the same head that it came with 🤨

And yeah, I'm familiar with this heartache 😔 I just want him to be back with me and also never have to be left alone ever.

I don't think he will think you're sending him away as a punishment. He knows we leave and we come back. He knows he will see you again and it will be good.

And the girls will probably be happy to have you back to themselves.

Sep 2312:40

Jonathan

Also, none of my business so I won't take it poorly if you choose to not answer, but I would appreciate an update on your general disposition. I've been getting off-putting vibes so I'm preparing to take a voluntary step back, but I don't want to disrupt what I percieve to be generally decent progress based on vibes alone.

Hope you're well,

Jonathan