191k/287k 50/50

jonathan breaux

📎 Job_Posting_Details.pdf

Marysue Curtis

YOU KNOW, also Chai is technically not with me right now so I can say I no longer have ownership of her, let adhd online take as long as theyre going to take and then submit it later once I get it and say I got a new dog. That would work right? 

jonathan breaux

Wouldn't need to explain anything, I think if I had to do this I would say hey, if you don't want to accept this fully traceable legal document as proof of need then I invite you to contact them at the provided number for further details. 

You keep your dogs with you, (one for now, the other when you're able to get her), don't discuss them or negotiate regarding them, refuse to pay a pet deposit or pet rent, and work on getting an updated letter of recommendation/ ESA prescription in the meantime. By the time they file any complaints or try to take action you'll already have a letter that fully satisfies their request.

I'm also increasingly upset that they have the audacity to challenge you at all. Who do they think they are 😤

If you requested an ADA unit and showed them a letter saying you were evaluated and determined to have legitimate need for an ADA unit would they have any right to say "mmmm I don't know you don't look disabled enough to need an ADA unit and this letter is old and doesn't mention specifically that you need it because your butthole falls out blah blah blah"

🤬

Marysue Curtis

It’s a good point but I didn’t want to start on a bad note with them so I just asked them to remove chai from the lease and they said they would be happy to put her back on when I got the esa 

jonathan breaux

Okay I'm much less pressed in light of that response from them. Still a concession you shouldn't have had to make but I also prefer to start out on less hostile terms so in reality I'd have taken the same course of action as you.

Glad it worked out :) are you making your appointment with ADHD online or a local psych? I go to Mindful Health Solutions for my medication management and psych documents, I think they were able to onboard me pretty quickly but there may have been a special circumstance that got that process expedited for me. 

Almost through the week, how's it been going? Make any incredible connections? Impress any VPs? Got the c-suite wrapped around your deditas?

jonathan breaux

Also dawg what the fuck is happening at 4th and Congress I hate this city so much

Marysue Curtis

Idk, what is happening on 4th and congress 

jonathan breaux

Too fucking much. It was like driving and walking through a fever dream I've had it up to here bru

Shit's dramatic everywhere though. Titties out at Rainey, bf/gf fight scene flash mob on 6th. Every mosquito between the 30th parallels congregating in the six foot radius immediately surrounding me

Answer my other email

Marysue Curtis

Hey! I saw you went to day dreamer how was it? 

jonathan breaux

Yeah! The grasshopper was delicious 🤤 I must have walked past that place dozens of times and I'm sure I even saw it a few and commented on the name and how it looked from the outside, but for whatever reason it really just barely stuck in my mind more than a tickle until you told me about it.

I liked it :) 

Also went to Bar Fino for the first time on a coworkers recommendation. The drinks were inspired, and the vibe was a lot easier to sink into as the sun started to set and the breeze picked up. 

Marysue Curtis

What are you up to today? 

jonathan breaux

Piddling. Been listening to a fun, very unserious audiobook called dungeon crawler carl. I think I just saw a daddy long legs eating for the first time on my way to check the mail which was... A little gross. Going to open up the windows and watch the PMW media share while I do a little cleaning and packing. 

How go 

Marysue Curtis

I’m glad you liked it! Moving sucks and I’m tired 

jonathan breaux

Yeah, it does. 

Still going? 

Just discovered this beauty via the mediashare and I'm thinking of using it in its entirety to replace the cyberpunk 2077 ringer as your email notification sound 

https://www.shazam.com/track/869189954/mexicana

Marysue Curtis

Barely. I’m running on fumes. I’m doing my last trip and calling it. I can’t hear it, can you type it out for me? 

jonathan breaux

Oh I absolutely will but try this first

https://open.spotify.com/album/1YCgsRmgb5rEuUysd0A0j4?si=Te1JyFUDRCKDK8Fs5tNBsw

jonathan breaux

Prr, el Jordan veinti-trr

Jaja

Mexicana, tú tiene' gana' 😩

Que yo te meta la punta en Punta Cana (jaja)😳

Le gusta mi fama y a mí como lo mama (brr)

Ella quiere lujo' una vida bacana💅

Prr, rompe, que no tiene compe'

Le encanta mi corte

Dale, papi, ponte

Pa' meterme hasta el porte🥵

Ey, rompe, que no tiene compe'

Le encantó mi corte

Dale, mami, ponte

Pa' meterte hasta el porte, brr

Mm, ajá

Yo sé que a ti te encanta mi corte

Tu solito te me pegas por detrás-trás

Pa' que la gente diga que no te importe

Y mi culito solo quiere bellaquear (bellaquear)

Y le digo: mm, ajá

Yo quiero un chacalito que me ahorqué 😵(y le digo)

Mm-Mm-Mm, ajá

Ese menorcito tiene un porte

Yo-Yo quiero un flaite y un chacal😈

Que tenga el ande y me sepa cuidar

Yo quiero un flaite y un chacal

Que tenga el ande y me sepa cuidar

Y le digo: Mm, ajá

Yo quiero un chacalito que me ahorqué (y le digo)

Mm-Mm-Mm, ajá

Que me lleve pa' Viña de Mar

Prr, rompe, que no tiene compe'

Le encantó mi corte

Dale, mami, ponte

Pa' meterte hasta el porte

Rompe, que no tiene compe'

Le encanta mi corte

Dale, papi, ponte

Pa' meterme hasta el porte

Brr, el Jordan veinti-trr

No dan pa' un balazo, dan pa' la culata

Hijo es la perra, andan de la maraca

Estoy contando plata, flaca, vente pa' acá💰

Que yo sé que te encarta el corte chaca (pow)

Brr, se moja con el chileno (brr)😒

Porqué sabe que le pongo entero bueno🙄

Estoy adueñándome el terreno

Rotaron, déjenme tierra, me los pa'e por el ñeto

Por el mundo entero sueño (brr, ja)

No dieron, no dan ni darán (nah)

Donde lo pillen se la comerán (pow-pow-pow)🔫🔫🔫

Estos bonejos malientan Instagram

Me los paso por el apa, hijos de la gran

Prr, rompe, que no tiene compe'

Le encanta mi corte

Dale, papi, ponte

Pa' meterme hasta el porte

Ey, rompe, que no tiene compe'

Le encantó mi corte

Dale, mami, ponte

Pa' meterte hasta el porte, brr

(Mm, grr)

Música sin corte (ah)

A la baby la llevo pa' la sierra🏔️, no pa' Londres (pa', pa-pa-pa')

Si me gustó la puta, pero no trae pasaporte [LMAO]

La vuelo privado en avioneta por el monte (ay)💖

Mami, deja el romance y aprovecha esta chance

A tu novio lo dejamo' en paz descanse (pa-pa-pa')🫪🔫😎

De Chile a México, la conde de chacas gangsters

Esos putos no creo que me alcancen

Ella quería ir para Europa, pero la llevé pa' Eurapan

Le di recio en el ranchito😛, en la amaca (ah, ah, ah)

También le compré una cadenona bien maniaca (uy)

Aquí somos bandidos, somos recios, somos chacas

Ah, pa', pa', pa', pa-pa-pa-pa

El Jordan veinti-trr, el Jordan veintitrés

Jaja

Los patos feos incorpore y los controle

Uzielito (pa-pa-paw) DJ Kiire (grr)

Candela music, ah

Chile a México, che tu ma're [pero no]

Brr, brr, brr

Jaja

De nada

Marysue Curtis

A little raunchier than is my usual preference but I’ll approve 

jonathan breaux

rodillas al piso type shit thank you I love it unironically 

jonathan breaux

dawg twitch.tv/thecarpentermusic looks so much like you tonight I had to check to see what channel I was on

like 2018/2019 you, dead ass

she stole your chronology

Marysue Curtis

I didn’t get to see cause I was far into dream land. The coworker I spent pretty much all of Tuesday with tested positive for Covid and idk if my body is sore from moving or if I’m getting body aches. Also I miss my old apartment 

jonathan breaux

I recorded like two minutes of her set to make gifs for you from because I knew you weren't going to catch it, but it's low quality because I used my camera instead of bothering with the effort of screencapture.

How many times have you had COVID in the past five years? Like thirty right? 

What do you miss about it? Once you're done unpacking and cleaning and decorating your new one I doubt you'll even remember your old apartment. How's the new place feel? 

It's been a nice, cool, breezy morning here.

Marysue Curtis

ITS SMELLY and darker than my last one like soooo dark and the washer and dryer is tiny small but I’m just being whiney I think. But its been a nice day and I have my doors open and none has walked in from of my window lol I’ve had covid 4 times now I think maybe 3. I’m not counting this time cause I’m hoping it’s not covid but I did order a test on Amazon 

jonathan breaux

Smelly like musty? You're on the river aren't you? Humidity might be hard to manage so like mold and mildew could be present. Or you could just bev experiencing your own musk sharply contrasted against the brand new olfactory ambience highlighting all that stank you've just been used to

Marysue Curtis

I think she just has a big nose so your brain is identifying that as me 

jonathan breaux

🙄 I knew you were going to go straight for the nose. You never saw yourself the ways I did. Probably because your nose was in the way

I'll put up a side by side later 

Marysue Curtis

No need for the side by side I get the gist. You think I can rent an ozone machine from Home Depot? 

jonathan breaux

You're so much fun. 

You can rent an ozone generator, and it'll do the job. Just please double check that you understand the chemistry of how it works so you don't hurt yourself.

I saw a spine surgeon a while back because I've been having so much pain the past few months and a coworker happened to be in a sports league with one who was willing to do him a favor and see me without the six months of red tape. Unfortunately the surgeon was a major asshole and said he didn't think I needed treatment because he didn't believe my nerves were being damaged enough to warrant it. Now I'm at my wit's end because the pain is so bad I'm not even able to hide it outwardly as hard as I try. I'm currently paralyzed in the bathtub because it's too much to bear. I'm alone and hurting and tired of fighting so hard for the tiniest scraps of life. I'm at a loss for how I'm going to get out of this tub, let alone finish packing and cleaning and moving all on my own. What am I supposed to do here? Any meaningful words of encouragement

Marysue Curtis

Okay I’m going to try, here goes. 

Doctors are such assholes fuck that guy. But maybe you can revisit him and insist he reevaluate? As for moving, when is your move out date? My friend hired task rabbits for the heaviest stuff and it was a lot of help. My apartment offered a dolly and that’s been a lot of help too, maybe your apartment will offer one as well? I also hired cleaners to clean my apartment. I know it’s an extra expense but it’s worth it and actually cheaper than I thought it would be. 

Maybe don’t think about the move rn and see if you can extend your move out date? My apartment didn’t have anyone filling my unit so they let me extent it a little past the month time frame. 

Words of encouragement for getting out of the tub: maybe just stay in it for a bit until it gets cold? Unless you do want to get out, then roll the side then tuck your legs under you. 

Words of encouragement in general: you’re a resilient person maybe the most resilient person I know and you’re funny and curious and there’s still so much what if’s left in life to experience. You’re a bright light and the world needs you. Also, pain wise No answers right now doesn’t mean no answers ever? 

I’m not very good at this I’m sorry 

jonathan breaux

Actually, those words were really sweet. You've surprised me once again with kindness I didn't expect nor believe I deserved. I'm sorry for being kind of a dick, my physical pain isn't your burden to bear. Life is... really such a bitch. It hurts and it's sad and lonely and unfair. But you're right.

Thank you for the sympathy and the encouragement. I don't think I can extend my time here unfortunately because I've already made the requests for service cutoffs and transfers. But I've made tougher moves and tighter deadlines. I hired movers so all I have to do is get everything disassembled, organized, inventoried, and boxed up. I'm sure they'll overcharge me but that's a bridge to cross when I come to it. I like to clean, but this time I think cleaning is something I should just pay for others to do. I blow so much money anyway, it will probably be worth saving myself the stress and pain and time since I'm not in my best condition. 

I did want to get out, it took me more than 20 minutes just to make it from bathtub to the freezer to get ice packs and then to bed to apply them. 20 minutes is a really long fucking journey for a task that might normally take about thirty seconds. I've been losing my mind at how bad this spike in pain has been but your message really brought me mentally back to earth. Like I was some poor sucker at the bottom of the lake, too cold and tired to try to swim. You didn't have to jump in for me. Thank you.

Are your body aches stable or are they getting worse as they day goes on

Do you remember scented markers

One of my favorites was the black one - toasted marshmallow... Ozone is one of my favorite smells...

Marysue Curtis

I’m glad you’re resting! Just take it easy today! Body aches have subsided but I still have a sore throat and a headache but I hope it’s from inhaling a metric ton of dust yesterday. I need to start dusting regularly. 

I remember scented markers but only in passing because we were too poor to afford them. But the marshmallow 100% was the best flavor. Ozone smells great. You know they put ozone notes in a lot of niche perfumes? I’ve always wondered what that smells like 

jonathan breaux

Glad your aches are subsiding. It does sound less like covid coming on than it sounds like reasonable effects of what you went through yesterday. Hope you continue to feel better quickly. 

I struggle with resting when I need to be productive 😔 but I've been out of Adderall for a while and my refill gets delivered today so hopefully I'm more mobile tomorrow and taking that will flip a switch in my brain that will put me back on my feet mentally too. I haven't taken any medications for a few weeks so I'm sure it'll make a big difference.

Yeah, we couldn't buy them either, but I really liked it when a teacher at school would bring them out for special occasions. 

I didn't know that about perfumes at all, that's something I want to look into! 

I, from the exquisite smoothness of my brain, used to hold my face up to the business end of the tiny ozone generator my mother got me for christmas in middle school the same way I'd watch food spin in lazy circles by leaning my head against the microwave. So the scent is just strong enough in my memory that I can recall it fairly clearly if I focus on it. It's not comparable to anything I can think of. The closest I can get is imagining a sharp, electric counterpart of petrichor. Due to its extreme volatility and toxicity, I hope you're able to catch just enough of the lingering scent someday without being exposed to the cell-rending effects of direct exposure.

Marysue Curtis

I thought you could get a similar smell by smelling a window ac really close or a car ac. My friend Sreya’s boyfriend is so crazy about microwave radiation that she makes her stand in another room while the microwave is going. I’m smooth brained too because I did not know this was a thing lol 

jonathan breaux

!! You know, actually, I think you're right about the a/c thing. The main thing I notice is that there are a lot of other variables that get picked up with like the cleanliness of the air system so I would expect any actual ozone that gets formed to usually bind to something and destroy itself too quickly to be strongly identifiable, but there's definitely something there because I've also - something has always been wrong with me - found myself face first in a really clean air conditioner or car a/c lots of times over the years without really being able to pin down why.

The microwave thing is more of a meme though lol, the grille plate on microwaves prevents anything from getting through, standing in the next room over is wild. It reminds me of those people who would call in at best buy saying shit like how they would read barcodes to cashiers at whole foods instead of letting them use the POS scanner because they didn't want lasers touching their food. Even if the microwave was wide open, it's non-ionizing radiation. The only damage it could cause would be in heating up sugars in living tissues. 

You get more exposure to radiation from the potassium in bananas. Or like, taking a flight anywhere. Or being anywhere on the planet during the day because of the Titanic nuclear reactor in the sky fusing more than half a million metric tons of hydrogen into helium every second. 

I haven't taken a science class in a hot minute but I'm pretty sure our bodies produce something like twice as much ionizing radiation tlas what we absorb through consumer products.

I wonder what he thinks about the cosmic microwave background.

jonathan breaux

Hey I have a free dashpass invitation to give out, do you want it? Crumbl has a banana bread cookie today 👀

Marysue Curtis

What is that? 

jonathan breaux

https://doordash.com/dashpass-redeem/?landing_page_type=MEMBERSHIP_SHARING&code=dv12qm69TdcvUh80rq-u834DQg8

<3

Marysue Curtis

Ohhh duh. Okay cool thanks!!! Are you going to get one? And idk what cosmic microwave background ground is but all is know is he’s a little nutty but also a nurse. Weird how those two are seen together a lot. I guess idk what true ozone smellls like then but I’m 80% I’m going to rent to ozone machine so I’m about to find outttttttttttttt

jonathan breaux

:) yeah I got one. It's unreasonably sweet, of course. But there's lots of interesting places here with banana bread type desserts and lots and lots of other things of course. The membership isn't spectacular or anything but it helps save a few bucks when you're ordering in anyway, I hope you get good use of of it. 

And I didn't mean to be dismissive, I may have worded my thoughts poorly but I was trying to say that you were right about the ozone smell in window unit and car a/c systems. I think you do have a good idea of what ozone smells like. 

And I know this is a thing I'm not supposed to be doing but I'm going to do it anyway and warn you to please take your research seriously when using the generator! I'm sure it'll come with its own warnings and directions but they're probably watered down as much as possible so dumber people will at least read the bare minimum. Ozone is extremely reactive and dangerously toxic. You'll want to be out of the house while it's in use and think about how anything exposed might react to oxidation. Like, a rubber mat might become brittle after heavy exposure. A pan might start to rust, pictures might yellow and fade or crack. Your walls and carpets will be fine and it will definitely kill mold and mildew and leave you with a cleaner, healthier, better smelling environment. You'll be happy you did it but just be careful. I would instinctively want to run it with the HVAC fan running to clean the vents but idk what is actually recommended or not.

When you go collect the babies feel free to pick up the dehumidifier as well. It can be run with the built in collection tank that has to be periodically emptied or connected to a hose for continuous use.

Blah blah blah you know what you're doing please forgive me for being a mom I just... you know. it's my thing. I care.

Marysue Curtis

It didn’t feel dismissive! I was genuinely hoping ozone was some amazing smell that ac just smells kinda like and I was in for a treat. I won’t actually put my face in the machine, as tempting as that would be. I unfortunately don’t have any brain cells to spare. I didn’t know it would ruin stuff so that’s good to know. I wish the apartment would have been available sooner so I could have blasted it before I moved all my stuff in. 

On Sat, May 16, 2026 at 7:02 PM jonathan breaux <jonathankbreaux@gmail.com> wrote:

😅J

jonathan breaux

Okay, good :) thank. Pure, unadulterated ozone really is a treat. It's that electric clean smell but amplified like it came right down from Olympus. Hopefully you'll be able to smell it without getting exposed to too much because that would shred your lungs and burn out your mucosa.

Your stuff will be fine! Just leave as much of it in tubs as you can. Bag things up, stuff like that.

I'm interested, hope it goes well. Did you do much today? 

I'm going to try to sleep because my pain is still pretty extreme. It hurts worse than it did the day after my original surgery. I hope I get to catch a break soon. I'm so tired :c

I might not respond but feel free to send me anything, I'll be happy to read and catch up in the morning

Marysue Curtis

Okay these two could definitely be me 

jonathan breaux

YESSSSSS THANK YOU lol those screenshots perfectly capture what I was seeing. That made me happy lol I appreciate the validation. That would have been a fun VOD to watch with you

How are things?

Marysue Curtis

Things are good. I’m wondering if I can get away with not hiring cleaning and just a doing a quick surface clean. I did the option of paying a non refundable $10 every month instead of a deposit so I won’t be getting anything back anyways. How about you? 

jonathan breaux

I'm having the same internal debate for the same cleaning/deposit situation. I'm feeling bad about myself because my pain has remained scarily intense so I haven't been able to be productive at all, and I'm down to the very last dose of my critical emergency stockpile. Considering trying to limp my way to a headshop to pick up some kratom out of desperation for relief. Also been dealing with my poor skin breaking out again and my quarterly quota at work got doubled and I've had no wins at all this month. 

S t r e s s 😫

And there's been a few days of really nice weather that would have been really great to get to go enjoy with my baby boy but he's still at ma's and I'm already spent anyway because everything is just really frustrating and depressing to have to deal with alone. But I'll figure it out. Always do, I guess.

But on the bright side there's this: https://youtu.be/bp4_7T9J6Fg?si=RSAK7B1f8CCsBKda

Marysue Curtis

The surgeon you saw wouldn’t even give you pain meds? Do you think if you went back to your first coke head surgeon he would give you meds? Also this happened. Do you think I’ll get in trouble? 

jonathan breaux

No, I don't think he'd be helpful. I'd have to start over with them, and they would want to know how I've gone so long without my pain meds. The fact that I used weed in Colorado to help me manage my pain with at-home guided physical therapy wouldn't fly because the surgeon has really strict anti-thc policies so testing positive would be a blocker. And yeah, the surgeon here didn't care about my pain at all. Said if I wasn't willing to to through several months of therapy to find out if that would help then I'm on my own. I wanted to ask him if he'd pay for the physical therapy and help me find a job of equal or greater compensation when I got fired for falling so far behind so that I could spend a few hours a day doing core exercises that I already do at my apartment with the instructions given to me from my previous four physical therapists.

Eurgh sorry for the wall of text. I'm just so frustrated

😫 

And for what. I want so badly to start my family, and I'm so, so far behind in that race against time. And it's just a compounding effect. The more time that goes on, the worse that future looks, the more difficult those goals become to achieve until the arrival of that not-so-distant future where all of those possibilities just wink out of existence entirely. I'm so, so tired of being so completely alone, and being surrounded every day with the math and logic supporting the point that I should focus more on accepting this state of being as my fate than on trying to fight to change it.

Hate it here.

And yeah they'll definitely charge you you for melting the toilet lid, dummy. A lot more than they should, probably. You're better off picking up an identical one and replacing it yourself.

Marysue Curtis

HOW ABOUT THEY USE MY $10 MONTHLY TO REPLACE IT?!!

jonathan breaux

They'll say that it wasn't enough cause no matter what you do they'll come up with cleaning and repair fees that wash it out

jonathan breaux

Can you call me real quick please, it's urgent

jonathan breaux

Did keith come out to help you yesterday?

Marysue Curtis

It will take me like 20 mins to get to you so I recommend just walking to the shop or just sitting on a curb somewhere idk what would be best 

jonathan breaux

Answer my question please. I'm calling an Uber to take me to the emergency room

Marysue Curtis

Omg no he did not 

Marysue Curtis

Set a time for some time in June. It can be with a therapist you already know I don’t mind, whatever is most economical. I prefer weekdays, but can be flexible. 

jonathan breaux

This is unexpected and I'm nervous about your potential motivations and intentions. I would like for you to be honest with me about why you decided to make this offer, and what your goal is. 

To let you know my thought process right now:

I would look for a completely neutral third party if I felt that you were offering because you genuinely wanted to go just because you believed it could help. But that would be an open-ended and exploratory experience which could take time that I don't think you're willing to commit to, based on what you've told me so far. 

I would like to go to Madeline, because I trust her to treat both of us fairly and openly, and she'll be able to give you context and insight about my side of things that others would have to spend a lot of time uncovering, if a situation calls for it.

Madeline would be open to meeting with us if you and I are both able to put into writing what our intentions are, what goals we're working toward, why we're going, basically. She said that we can email her or she can meet with you alone ahead of time. 

Would you be willing to have an appointment alone with her before we go into an appointment together? If you aren't already certain of why you agreed to go or what you hope to achieve, I'm confident she can help you figure it out in a way that isn't just her leading you to an answer, but is uncovered by you organically and without criticism or judgment.

And is this a single shot offer? Or are you open to a set number of sessions, or are you open to however many sessions it takes to achieve some certain specific goal?

All of these things will drastically change the nature of the conversation and its potential for success. If you only want to commit to an offer for one single session but you're open to considering additionals if the session goes well and you see value in continuing, that's also important to know.

There are no right or wrong answers here, just answer with honesty, even if it's brutal, I'm not going to judge or complain or argue or anything like that. If your goal is just to go so that you can say you've gone and got nothing from it so I will stop bringing it up, then just tell me that please. No worries.

If you want to talk about it instead of emailing, you can give me a call after work today.

Marysue Curtis

Honestly, I’m at my wits end with all of this. My intention is to find the healthiest solution for both of us. I want to help you. I want to help you move on and find closure and feel better. I understand why you are upset and I hope you see this as me genuinely caring. Because I genuinely do. My heart is broken as well. I don’t think I need this but you do and what I do need is for you to be happy or atleast get to a place where you could be. I want to stop being questioned about Keith. I would love to never have to speak about him again. I don’t think we will get there without help so so be it. I don’t want to disappear from your life and sometimes it feels like that’s my only option. I want you to know this is not me trying to do that. Quite the opposite.

 I’m open to maybe two sessions. Three at the very most. I’m happy to hop on a call with her or email either works.  

Just focus on getting better. I don’t foresee these conversations in June to be all bad and hope/strive  for a happy outcome. 

 

On Tue, May 19, 2026 at 11:27 AM jonathan breaux <jonathankbreaux@gmail.com> wrote:

jonathan breaux

Okay. I'll find some times in June for your 1:1 because I think she's going to have follow up questions. Then I'll find a time or two for us to go together. I'll send you some options to choose from today. 

Do you have any time after work today for the conversation we were supposed to have during the last two weeks?

Marysue Curtis

How is this conversation different from the one we are going to have in June question 

jonathan breaux

Plenty of ways. One of the easiest distinctions is that this conversation is about final affairs. The conversation in June will be about the moving forward. Both conversations will involve elements of the past, the present, and the future, but their focus will be very different.

Marysue Curtis

Hmmm I might want to discuss final affairs with a professional present 

jonathan breaux

Okay, I'll consider your original commitment to that conversation reneged. We can have that conversation with a professional present, separately from and after we've completed our "two, three max" sessions with Madeline. 

Marysue Curtis

Look I’m down for a quick chat and I can gauge how I feel from there does that sound fine? 

Marysue Curtis

Oh that also sounds good 

jonathan breaux

Ok kewl

We can have quick chats any time, just call me or let me know or whatever the way normal adults do

Marysue Curtis

Okay cool, have you gone to the er? Did you try the caldo? 

jonathan breaux

I haven't gone to the ER yet because I'm waiting on a callback from my primary care clinic who said they might be able to secure me an emergency referral to see a specialist for a lot less money. But I don't think they're going to call so now I'm putting it off because I'm physically and mentally and emotionally drained. I haven't eaten yet because I can't get to the kitchen or stand up to cook, but just knowing I have it there helps me ground myself when I start to feel panic. It's difficult to balance the feelings, I have this precious and much needed gift from someone who didn't have to give it and wasn't asked for it. Having it eases my mind from worrying about being hungry enough that I can't think straight or make decisions or heal my body. But it also ties my guts in knots remembering that it came from someone I asked for help from at a time of serious desperation in an emergency who told me that they didn't want me making a habit of it, and engaged me in a painful conversation while I was already weak and delirious and dealing with an extremely difficult and draining situation on my own. My phone ended up dying right after you picked me up, by the way.

Still, my gratitude far outweighs my emotional conflict. Heating that up is the only thing I've had to look forward to in a while and I feel how I imagine Katniss felt curled up around her hairy ass legs in the rain when Peeta smacked her with a loaf of bread. Genuinely warmed, deeply grateful, even if a little confused.

Did Grandma make it?

Marysue Curtis

To be fair, those weren’t  the right words and they didn’t actually convey what I was trying to get across. I wasn’t fully aware of your situation. 

Yes she made it. I had been saving it for a sick day so this felt right. It might need a dash of salt, she always makes it as natural as possible so everyone can customize it as they like. It’s very hearty and healthy. I cut the plastic with kitchen sheers and just put the block to slowly defrost in the microwave in a big bowl. I hope you like it. It’s best on a cold day it’s about to be rainy so it’s going to be perfect. I like to add rice but I forgot to include it :( 

The steaks I just added so you had some easy protein. They’re left over from grandpas bday, made by my mom. I’m sure there is better ways to defrost but I honestly just put them in the microwave and it was good in a pinch. Theres gravy in there too that helps since frozen steak doesn’t defrost super well. 

jonathan breaux

It's funny you say that, when I saw the soup and the steaks it felt like it was rainy outside in a comforting way. I know you can't tell them for me so I'll say a prayer of gratitude for the comfort and nourishment their love spilled over from their cup to fill mine in a time of need. 

It will make a good, comforting, less lonely last meal to take in this place before leaving it behind forever. 

Thank you for the preparation tips. I knew that about your grandma lol I'm glad she cooks that way. 

Did you like the birds

Marysue Curtis

What birds? 

jonathan breaux

https://youtu.be/bp4_7T9J6Fg?si=RSAK7B1f8CCsBKda

Marysue Curtis

OHHHH 😂 yeah I liked the birds 

jonathan breaux

🐥🌹🐦✨🐦‍⬛

🕺J🕺M

jonathan breaux

https://care.headway.co/providers/madeline-flores

Marysue Curtis

It says Madeline doesn’t accept my plan :( 

jonathan breaux

You're only doing it because I've asked you to, so I'll pay for it. Just charge me on Venmo.

Marysue Curtis

What insurance do you have? 

jonathan breaux

Marysue Curtis

Interesting. Are you able to just talk to her without an appointment and ask? This is my insurance, I feel like it’s similar to yours no? Idk why it wouldn’t work 

jonathan breaux

That's... weird. Yeah, I reached out as soon as you said your insurance wasn't working but she hasn't gotten back to me. She's not the most responsive practitioner I've worked with when it comes to texting anyway and I'm thinking she might be fully clocked out for the long weekend.

I appreciate the fact that you've been trying, I've been thinking about it a lot.

I hope you have a good, fun weekend planned

jonathan breaux

Call me to take down my HSA info to pay with.

jonathan breaux

I hope you're doing well

💌

Marysue Curtis

Okay well I was going to try to pitch in for the appointments anyways so I’ll just pay for this one and you can pay for the rest. 

You too! 

jonathan breaux

I would like to talk to you today, but I know it's stupid, and I know it's something you actively discourage. I don't care. I figure you're going to decline and that's okay, I'm not going to complain or do anything to make you feel bad. But if you're open to just chatting a little, please don't hesitate to send me a message saying hello. Otherwise, I'm sure I'll hear from you sometime after you've spoken with Madeline.

I'll be here.

Love,

Jonathan

Marysue Curtis

Hi hi. Yeah I would like to wait until after we have our big chat.  I’m not mad at you or anything like that. On the contrary, I’m feeling optimistic. Nothing you should be worried about is what I’m trying to say. I appreciate you being understanding. I’ll definitely reach out after I’ve spoken with Madeline. Talk soon. 

Luv, 

Marysue 

jonathan breaux

☹️J☹️M🧐M

jonathan breaux

Okay. I hope you will be genuinely, absolutely honest with yourself and with her when you speak. The futures of at least three lives hang in the balance on threads woven by your tongue. You have so much more power than you care to realize. Your actions shape the world so much further than the horizon you choose to see.

This is my last ask before I return to radio silence in wait for you or Madeline to contact me. And I ask it with all my heart. "After the Affair" is on Spotify. Please listen to it. Please listen to it as much as you can, please listen to it like your life depends on it. You don't have to think you cheated on me. You don't have to listen to it with the mindset that it has anything to do with you or me or us at all. It's mostly written in a voice that guides couples who mutually want to heal. You don't have to think that it's written for you in order for you to get insight from it. This isn't a trick, this isn't me trying to leverage you toward me. Frankly I think I've already lost you completely. But if you care about yourself, if you care about your future partners, if you care about starting a family, if you care about love and growth and healing at all, even if you don't care about any of those things with me in the picture, please read the book.

Please, start it now, listen to as much of it as you can. Listen with an open mind. If you're ever going to have a healthy relationship with anyone, if you're going to move on, if you're going to be a good mother and a good wife and a strongly independent woman who believes in herself and knows her value and has the emotional maturity to make confident decisions, please listen to the book. 

I beg for you to put aside all of your judgements and excuses and inferences and biases and reasons not to do it and just take an academic approach and read the book like you're attending a lecture that you think doesn't apply to you just out of intellectual curiosity. Please. Please read the book. 

It's well written. It's interesting. You will absolutely find it insightful. You have the maturity to listen to it without feeling like it's an attack. I know you're busy and tired and you have a million reasons to not listen to the book. But this thing I beg. Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself. Do it to give yourself an upper hand. Do it to give yourself a boon. Do it to gain perspective and understanding. Do it to defend yourself with confidence. Do it for any reason. Do it out of spite. But please, please listen to it. Start now. Tonight. Don't put it off. Listen every chance you get, and I think you'll very quickly find yourself wanting to listen rather than deigning to listen. If you run out of Spotify hours, buy it in my audible. Use my credits or my card. Maybe this book will save your next marriage. Maybe it will save a lot of people including yourself an enormous amount of pain. Maybe you can prevent what happened to us from ever happening in your life ever again. But there's no downside to reading it. 

Just start it. Thirty minutes. Then thirty more. Maybe a section or two at a time. Press play every time you drive the truck. Consider it payment toward ownership if that helps. I'll assign it monetary value in the ledger. I would bet my life and everything I've ever loved that you will absolutely be glad you read it once you've finished. I know it'll help you figure out answers to all those "I don't know"s you've been stuck on for this last year and more. Please, this I beg of you. Please read the book like your life depends on it. Like my life depends on it if that helps at all. 

I don't need you to reply. I know you don't owe me anything and you're already doing a thing for me that you don't want to do, so why should you do more? But I promise you that even though these things seem like they're for me right now, you'll understand that they're for you once they're done. 

I hope you'll do it. I hope you'll start tonight. I won't know. You always hated medicine, even though you always thanked me for making you take it after you started to feel better. I won't know if you read the book. But I hope you will. 

Goodbye, love. I'll be here.

Jonathan