I called the bank to request the payoff quote, so they're processing it now. They said it would only be valid for today. I wanted to give you a heads up so that as soon as I get it I can send it to you and you'll be ready for your part. Otherwise I guess we'll just request another one when you're ready.
Also, try to read this in the same tone of voice as our conversation from last night because that's where I'm coming from with it and it is genuinely a good positive message for both of us - but I really am glad to know from you that you're nurturing a friendship with him. Especially during a time when I needed the bare minimum from you, begged for help, and you chose to separate yourself from me faster and harder - that was a time where hearing that from you would have shown me in the worst way that there was more left of my heart to break.
But all I felt now was disappointment and embarrassment. You've said this one thing a lot of times, "you know that I wouldn't do something just to hurt you, right?" And I do know that. I know that you have at least almost never intentionally tried to hurt me. But I also know that more importantly, you won't stop yourself from doing something you want to do if the only cost of doing it is to hurt me. Realizing, learning, disbelieving, accepting, grieving all the things you were and are willing to do - in secret or openly - despite knowing they would cause me harm or pain, has been an awful, nauseating, painful healing process. But I'm grateful to have proof that the process is working, that I've taken back all that power over me that I gave to you.
I'm not telling you all this as an attack on you or to make you feel bad - if that's what you're getting from it then go back and put your whole ass into reading it in the tone I told you I wrote it in! I'm telling you all this because it seems like you worry that I'm still going to pursue you in some way, and I want it to be very clear that the logic and the emotion on my side of things does not drive any sort of pursuit at all. I don't want you to mistake my openness, my willingness to be amiable, and especially my cavalier attitude, for anything other than characteristics of who I am. It's the same experience everyone else gets, as befits you being just another semi-stranger. Those things have nothing to do with you at all.
This part, however, this part is said in a serious tone with much accusational finger pointing, especially because of the flak you gave me for not having Kuma with me. So, stop "30%" worrying about me and how I'm going to handle things, and get your shit together. Go pick up the girls or tell me flat out that you're going to abandon them so that you can live the lifestyle you want to live. You said you hated B.F. Pinkerton, you have seen the effects of my father leaving his family behind to live the life he wanted, you have experienced it yourself. Don't discard them the way you discarded me. Do better by those girls. They love you, they need you, they depend on you. You've taken advantage of my mother's hospitality for far too long and I find it unacceptable and she does not need the additional stress. Go pick them up. Brush their teeth. Clip their nails. Brush their hair.
But that's all for now! I gtg but I'll send you the quote when I get it. Hope you have a really great day, I've been finding the overcast weather so lovely and I hope it's been nice for you too.
Cheers~
Jonathan