Re: [important] re: pending conference

Oct 2212:25+8:33

jonathan breaux

Hello, I hope you're well.

I understand negotiations are still underway between our agents.

I humbly request, as a gesture of good faith, that you kindly respond to the following question as written at your earliest convenience. If you decline to reply by end of day, I will politely understand that to reflect a firmly hostile disposition until further notice.

I would like to be prepared, so as to make the best use of the time invested by all involved parties.

Are you currently considering and/or planning to put a formal and permanent end to all forms of communication and contact with me?

Thank you for your time, sincerely,

Jonathan

Oct 2220:59+0:38

Marysue Curtis

I have gone back and read through my recent past messages to you and I have come to the conclusion that even in the last one where I was definitely more frustrated with you, I was still respectful and even lighthearted in some parts.

It’s frustrating when I tell you how things are and you decide that I must be lying due to the way YOU see things. I am frustrated.

I didn’t like the tone you took with your past email and I don’t like the tone of this one. “If you decline to reply by end of day, I will politely understand that to reflect a firmly hostile disposition until further notice.”

That’s a threat Jonathan. There has been nothing hostile about my messages that should have inclined you to think that. I even thanked you for reminding me about the vaccines.

I’m respecting the boundaries I have set for myself and maybe that makes me come off as hostile but I think I’ve been very clear about what I need and I’m choosing to prioritize that over your comfort. This is new for me but it’s what I need to heal.

I want to remind you that as you stated in a previous message, you would not contact me unless it was a very important matter. If you reach out for anything other than for example, Kuma, the truck or a life or death situation, I will not be responding. If it becomes excessive, I will be blocking you. I will leave it up to you to determine what else constitutes as a very important matter but I’m sure you got it. I am not ready to be friends. I need more time.

No,I had not seriously considered a permanent end to all communication between us but to be frank, sometimes, in moments like this when you feel entitled to a response from me, the thought of no contact does creep up. I worry that despite how much you say you understand and that you are willing to respect me, that your anxiousness just won’t let you. I will not sign my name to anything right now. I am open minded and my top priority is to HEAL. I know it’s yours too. I’m taking things as they come.

With every fiber of my being, I truly hope you are doing well. Give the boy some kisses for me.

Oct 2221:37+2:35

jonathan breaux

Marysue, please grant me enough benefit of the doubt to just read this email.

This IS that important, not just to me, and it's very serious.

Maybe respond with an emoji to let me know that you aren't blocking me, if you decide not to block me.

I genuinely didn't mean it as a threat. That's why I hate not being able to talk to you with my voice. I meant it with my whole heart to be as neutral and non-threatening as possible but I had to take in to account that there *is* a possibility that you are hostile and I wanted to give you the opportunity to express that without having to communicate it with me. All that I needed was a yes or a no or an undecided.

We have both been coloring each other's words with our own suspicions and emotions, and I'm trying to give grace but I'm also trying to mentally fortify myself because I have been kept completely in the dark for so long that I really, really don't know what to expect from you. I really, truly, deeply intend to bring peace with me to the table, but I have to protect myself. I am beyond sorry for the specific words that I chose in that last email and I understand how poorly they conveyed my emotion and my intention. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I am sorry for every misstep I make here but I am trying my best and I have so, so little to go on.

I deeply regret causing you frustration, I really do. But I don't know what's coming and it's affecting my work, my life. I still stand by the idea that this would be much less taxing on both of us if we just shared a quick call, or even just voice notes, but I understand that you don't wish to do that. I hope you can also see how that contributes to my perspective.

Please, I am begging for you to try to see things from my point of view and grant me some small mercy here. I also have boundaries and emotional needs and my own completely valid point of view that I haven't been allowed to convey to you, by trying to respect yours as much as possible while still drawing lines when it brings me more harm than I can safely accept. Boundaries are healthy, but avoidance is grey.

This is very difficult, I am extremely grateful for every response and grace you have given even though I have on multiple occasions made you very upset (because I'm navigating blind and not because I want to press myself into your life) and I have been as reasonable and respectful as possible. My priority is to heal as well. I don't feel entitled to a response, but I do deserve to know if your decision has already been made. Just as you haven't been able to imagine my intentions connecting to my words at times (and that's not your fault, it's just the nature of text and trauma and all that's going on, and my own fumbling), I wrote that message not being able to understand a world in which you would find it unreasonable to offer a one-word reply unless you were genuinely of a hostile disposition. I think you said that you're undecided, I hope you still are. I want you to heal. I want me to heal too.

I hope you don't consider this message unimportant. I value your healing as much as, if honestly not more than, my own. I consider this message as more important than the truck and almost as important as the boy. I reached out to ask that question not because I believe you are hostile, but because I believe that even though I'm unable to validate it, that you do genuinely value my healing as well.

Please, don't block me here. It was the only question I've asked and even though it may not seem that way, it came from a place of respect. I didn't intend to reply. But, like I said. I hope you will at least agree that this fits the scope of importance that you set. I will go back to leaving you alone now, but, as ridiculous as it may sound, I am always, always open to, and happy to, hear from you. By email or by call or by voice note. There's enough unhappiness in this world and I know that we don't have to add to it. For ourselves, or for each other. If you catch that one in a billion whim to reach out, I will be here with kindness to offer.

Please give the girls belly rubs from me.

I hope this lands well,

Jonathan

😅J🍄M

Oct 2300:13

Marysue Curtis

Hey, yeah you’re fine. I sent that with the expectation that you would reply. I appreciate the clarity. I hope this was able to give some to you as well. I don’t want this impacting your job/ life. I know that’s easier said than done. Know that I don’t expect the mediation to be a negative conversation.

Goodnight!

🥹J🙏J