Re:

Sep 2419:42+14:01

jonathan breaux

Marysue,

I have Kuma.

I will be installing the app and testing the cameras in a few hours.

- Jonathan

👍J👍M

Sep 2509:44+2:41

jonathan breaux

Good morning Marysue,

I empathize that you have a very busy life, and likely a lot on your mind as well. I don't intend to add undue stress, but I believe that I have been extremely accommodating to you and in return I don't think it is unreasonable to request an acknowledgement that you have seen my communications.

A quick emoji reaction is fine if you have nothing to add, I would just feel safer knowing that the information shared has been read, and that there have been no sudden or unexpected changes on your end. That way, the next time I need to reach out to communicate something to you, I don't have to process the fear of uncertainty that you might now consider my outreach an overstep, or harassment. I trust that you will communicate such a point of view to me before allowing me to stumble into it unawares.

I hope you will gently understand that, as someone with a long history and an especially difficult recent history involving unexpected abandonment, I appreciate transparency immensely.

I politely understand also that you feel no obligation toward my comfort or security. I'm only asking for a kindness, from human to human, because I still don't believe that you are someone who causes undue harm by intention.

If you need time to process something, please just let me know anything along the lines of, "I will get back to you within three days" or "I need space, please don't reach out until Monday at the earliest".

Thank you kindly for your time and understanding.

- Jonathan

👍J👍M

Sep 2512:25+2:03

jonathan breaux

Thank you for the acknowledgement. I hope you've been well. I worry about you. (An appropriate amount.) And I look forward to hearing from you when the time comes.

I'll be here.

Cheers~

Sep 2514:29+2:40

Marysue Curtis

Hey so they called me saying that Kuma is ready for pick up. They couldn’t take out the stitches cause they said he’s been licking too much so the area is irritated.

You should have them change the number on file while you’re there.

Let me know how it goes

Sep 2517:09+1:01

jonathan breaux

He's fat.

Sep 2518:10+21:50

jonathan breaux

Dear Marysue,

Are you okay dude? I'm worried about you. Am I getting on your nerves? Do u hate me? Did you eat today? Are you drinking plenty of clean mold-free water? Are you experiencing the negative effects of Tylenol consumption? Did you get 8 hours of sleep last night? Is work going okay? Are you scared of me? If so can I ask why? Are you doing really great and just not communicating that with me? That's really what I hope is happening even if it makes me a little sad. Happy that you're doing great, sad that you don't want to communicate. I hope you're doing really great. It's not easy, but long term gains are bought with short term pains (like going to the dentist and reading books and taking medicine you need even if you don't like it and limiting time spent on short form media).

Sorry man, these exchanges were pretty nice for a little while then suddenly they're so dry I thought my inbox was your scalp and idk if they'll get better or worse but I'm not gonna contribute to making them worse 🙂‍↔️ even if I'm not capable of making them better

Hope you have a fun weekend planned, let off some steam, get some more sun while we've got it. You know, all that.

U can be mean to me if u want but I'm still gonna be rooting for you. Idk where you're at (literally or mentally) but I hope it's better than it seems from where I'm standing.

I miss my friend and I'm not sorry about that. I hope that whoever you are is someone that she would have been proud of becoming. But if not, I'm glad she isn't here to know. I hope that whoever you are and I can be friends someday. But if not, at least it won't be for my lack of trying. Even if you chase me off with fire and fork, I promise I'll never punish you for changing your mind and reaching out to say hello. No individual action will ever define you, and I will always reserve room in my life for you to plant seeds. If it stays empty forever, I'll go to the empty plot and reminisce when I need space and quiet from the rest of the grove.

K I'm out, peace ✌️ be good to yourself without harming others, be good to others without harming yourself. Don't convince yourself to do otherwise, don't lie, don't be afraid of being wrong. Live, live, live. Be alive, feel it all, embrace it, trust it. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

🎶🫰

Sep 2616:00+0:44

jonathan breaux

Good afternoon,

I hope this email finds you all too well.

I am writing you this beautiful afternoon to politely request a kindness. Should you feel not inclined to grant one, I attach to this message my humble and sincere apologies for the intrusion and thank you for your time.

If you would, I invite you to respond to this outreach with a simple emoji reaction that best describes your current situation according to the following sentiments, written from your perspective:

😀 - everything is well and I'm having a great day and you aren't bothering me, responding to you is something that I am not avoiding, just not prioritizing right now.

😡 - everything is bad and you are making it worse and I will update you this weekend as to whether or not I have changed my mind about that

🙄 - everything is good except when I see your name in my inbox, so right now I'm trying to enjoy myself by pretending you don't exist

😩 - everything is bad but it doesn't have anything to do with you and there's nothing you can do to make it better so I'm just not interested in talking to you lately

🤔 - everything is bad but it doesn't have anything to do with you and actually there might be something you can do to make it better and I will follow up with that when I figure it out

🥸 - this inbox is not actively monitored and your outreach goes directly to the trash

👿 - I know that you look forward to hearing from me so I'm deliberately refraining from reaching out because I don't want you thinking that there is any possibility of us ever becoming friends again

💅 - I'm just a girl

🤍 - nothing wrong, you're fine, I'm uninterested in talking but not hostile

🐸 - nothing personal / ADHD

👽 - something else, send more options please

PS. I recommend looking through the Furbo videos from today. They're very 😭😭😭 and I didn't watch them all but I'm pretty sure I don't come out in any. Maybe my foot in one or two.

Hope you're having a really great day 😊

PSS. I wouldn't mind getting a response to my last email sometime when you're not so busy 🥲 but I understand if that won't be happening at all.

PSSS. I hope you aren't worried I'm going to get my hopes up or crash out according to how or how often you do respond. I'm *extremely* stable and while it is always nice to hear from you, I don't have my state of mind attached to you at all. I know I can't convince you, but I promise you are safe to be blunt, or mean, or kind, or happy, without worrying about how it will affect me one way or another. Don't let my attempts to reach out seem like desperation. They're just invitations, nothing more.

And I know not everything is about me mmlehhhh I'm just talking about it to be clear

🎶🫰

~ cheers

Sep 2616:44+1:03

Marysue Curtis

Jonathan,

My disposition or general “vibe” hasn’t changed from the first email we exchanged so I’m not sure what you are perceiving as “off-putting”.

Truthfully, I wasn’t really to start up casual communication again and only agreed to have you email me the first time because I thought it was something important/ personal. You can imagine I was frustrated to learn it was not.

I don’t hate you but I am scared and frankly still angry at you. I’m scared you’re going to hurt yourself again. My absolute worst nightmare came true a couple of months ago and I’m NOT okay. I took all the long rants, and guilt tripping and just over all mean things you were telling me almost daily, on the chin because I knew you were hurting. I was too but that’s besides the point. When it all came to a head, I had to drive home barely able to see through my tears with both me and Kuma completely covered in blood. Im mad you didn’t think about Kuma when you did what you did.

The next morning I sat in your apartment utterly broken, sobbing, to look up and try to make out what was being projected on the wall only to realize, in horror, that it was my naked body. At the scene of the thing I’ve feared the most for the last couple of years. Do you understand how horribly vulnerable and violating that felt? And please don’t tell me you had a good reason for all of those things cause that will just piss me off more.

Then to be told repeatedly over the next week that the person you have shared the last 8 years of your life could potentially hurt you and that this constitutes as abuse. It’s hard to hear and hard to just come back from. I picked out your clothes and those books out because despite everything I wanted you to be comfortable and happy at the hospital and I can’t help but do things out of love despite how absolutely shattered I was. I didn’t think you sister would disclose that it was me that had done that and I actually had asked her not to.

So yeah no, forgive me if I don’t feel like shooting the shit.

I know Blakely reached out to you, we can talk more about it then. I hope you’re healing. I hope you’re finding all the joy in life you’re telling me to find. And I mean that genuinely.

I know my timing is not great and it’s the beginning of the work day. I want to ask that you try to not let this ruin your day. Maybe I’ll wait to send it until the work day is over idk. I hope work is going well for you. It’s going fine for me. No I’m not washing my water bottle it has more flavor that way.

Addendum: Sending this now after your recent message. I hesitated even saying this much because I am worried you will crash out and I understand it is probably hard to relive that day. While your stability is hard to believe after five unanswered messages and me repeatedly needing to tell you what my boundaries are, I will take your word for it and I am immensely glad you are feeling stable.

I hope you’re having and will continue to have a great day.

Sep 2617:48+23:37

jonathan breaux

Hey, I completely understand. That must have been difficult to type out, and I imagine it brought a lot to the surface that you don't need on your mind right now. Thank you, sincerely, for doing it anyway. Thank you for sharing all of that.

I didn't mean to misrepresent my intentions with my first email, I am sorry for sneaking past that boundary that you weren't ready to let down. It was important and personal, to me. I was held in captive darkness for so long, I had no idea what was going on around me, what was going on with you. I had to decide whether to sit quietly and wait for something to happen to me, or to stumble around blindly to try and figure something, anything, out for myself. I'm not sorry for trying to understand this strange world I'm in, but I am sorry for the pain I caused in my ignorance.

I didn't know that any naked images of you would come up on the projector. I thought I had set it to play a slideshow of normal, happy pictures of us for me to reminisce. There were a lot, and I was careless. Especially with the difficulties in our previous relationship regarding sex and intimacy, and trust and communication and perception of those topics, I can only imagine the feeling you describe, seeing what you saw. I am and have been the worst kind of fool.

I won't go into it more now because I know you don't want to nor do you need to. My intentions don't matter, because the outcome of my actions hurt you in a brutal and savage way. I know you don't want an apology right now and I think any attempt to craft one would only be insulting. So I just want you to know that I hear you. And I appreciate you handling this horcrux of a memory so that I can have a glimpse at where you are. I don't take your decision to revisit that pain and rage and fear and revulsion for granted. Thank you.

I am not in danger of crashing out. I do want to gently point out that while you have had to talk to me repeatedly about boundaries, each conversation has been specific and unique, adding more to my understanding rather than pointing out the same issue each time. I think that's important not because I want to blame you or keep score or anything like that, but because I want to show you that from my perspective I really am doing the best that I can to meet you on your terms, with my complete and honest heart.

I've checked and double checked with you by asking that you tell me when you need me to step back, and telling you that I trust you to do so. I wish I could just understand the truth, but it needs to be communicated to me, and I trust you and believe you when you do communicate with me, so I can only be as accommodating of your needs as you are willing to communicate those with me, even and especially if and when they change. I don't blame you for being too hurt or scared or frustrated to want to communicate with me, but I do gently and kindly ask that you not blame me when I wander off the path with a misleading map. You don't need to blame yourself either, I don't blame you. But please try to be gentle with me. I'm just a man.

I will refrain from reaching out unless it is something important, until you communicate that you are comfortable enough hearing from me to allow it. I do hope that happens. But thank you for helping me understand why I should not expect it to.

I hope the best for you, truly.

With love,

I will be here.

- Jonathan

Sep 2717:25+8d 14:53

Marysue Curtis

Thank you Jonathan. I really appreciate it

I saw the furbo video of Kuma trying to catch the kibble. Had to screen record that one. So cute and pitiful

🙏J

Oct 608:19

jonathan breaux

Marysue,

I vacillated over the decision to send this until I decided that though it may not be important to you, it truly is important to me. I would kindly request either your confirmation or denial that the past week has been better for you than the preceding month—the entire preceding month, not just the days toward the end of it—as a direct result of the reduction in outreach you received from me.

I ask about the entire month before last week because even though you said that your disposition hadn't changed, going back and reading all of our communications tells a different story. So even if your overall state of mind was stable, your actions and interactions with me were not. You definitely acted more kindly and patiently with me the first three weeks of the month than you did in the last before we returned to non-communication.

I will remind you that whatever answer you give, nothing bad will come from it for my part. Where we are right now is the worst that things have any possibility of being unless you decide to really fire up a cruel streak, which I don't believe you will do, despite my own fears and feelings and experiences.

Uncertainty, unknowing, has always been the worst for me. You gave me answers last time we connected and I appreciated them, so I'm reaching out now from different circumstances since a little time has passed to ask for an update that this is the path you truly prefer. This won't be an ongoing review, but it is important to me, and I hope you respect that enough to accept it as important in general.

I would prefer to approach our pending mediation from a place more like where we were a few weeks ago, rather than where we've been for the past two. But that decision is power that I'm trusting you with and hoping you'll wield with compassion rather than fear. It will be, ultimately, your choice.

- Jonathan

🙁J